Self Reflection Answers (Page 125)

When I was growing up I was influenced in a number of ways by my family members as to what was acceptable in terms of social display rules. From a young age I was taught how to express my anger and that certain outbursts (i.e. temper tantrums) were not socially accepted anywhere. Now I grew up with five older sisters so my perception of how emotions should be expressed for men I acquired mainly from my father. My dad taught me that when something was not going my way it was not acceptable as a male in society to cry or have outburst. I was taught pretty close to the socially accepted rule that men are supposed to be the tough one and not wear there emotion on their sleeve.

I think that the display rules that I grew up with have affected me in many ways, but I specifically see this played out in my relationship. The display rules for women when it comes to emotion tend to me apt to crying and really saying how they feel about a certain situation. When it comes to dealing with emotions in our relationship I usually just suppress them and am much less likely to cry than I am to get angry about something. My relationship tends to take form of the cultural norm mentioned in chapter four on page 126. “Woman are more likely than men to express emotions that support the relationship.” I know that we are both feeling the same emotion but I tend to ignore and suppress it based on the display rules I was brought up with and those in the culture today.

I can count numerous times that I have violated the display rules in the culture for expressing emotion and ended up offending another person. The key component to each of these occasions is outbursts of anger. I have expressed emotion in unaccepted cultural vulgarity on many different occasions and have learned from each of those instances.  The most recent incident that I can think of was in an intramural volleyball game when I was tearing down the team with the words I was using. I quickly learned and am now embarrassed at my actions because I know that the way to get others have fun and usually play better is to encourage, not discourage. Every instance that I can remember that I failed to pay attention to display rules; I remember a feeling of embarrassment and scorn from others. Display rules are very important in interpersonal communication and govern what is emotionally acceptable in society.

Picture from surfdoggy.com